Dave Barry Wisdom

Come to the Party:


15 Things it Took Me Over 50 Years to Learn, By Dave Barry

1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative the same night.
2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be “meetings.”
3. There is a very fine line between “hobby” and “mental illness.”
4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.
5. You should not confuse your career with your life.
6. Nobody cares if you can’t dance well. Just get up and dance. (This one is very important.)
7. Never lick a steak knife.
8. The most powerful force in the universe is gossip.
9. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.
10. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she’s pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.
11. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age 11.
12. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.
13. A person, who is nice to you, but rude to a waiter, is not a nice person. (This is very important. Pay attention. It never fails.)
14. Your friends love you anyway.
15. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.

Movie Reviews:

Figured I haven't done this in a while; and I've managed to see a couple movies lately - so what the heck. Movie review day!

First and most important: Transformers

There's really not much I can say about this movie. If I had no clue what transformers were and only had the use of one of my 5 senses - this still would be worth 10 bucks to see (hear?... smell?... touch?). Doesn't matter, its brilliantly made.

By far one of the best movies I've seen in a long time. Exciting, funny, gorgeous. Go see it. Now


Second: Evan Almighty

Wasn't a BAD movie. But, wasn't something you need to see in the theater. Throw it on your Netflix queue and if it somehow makes it to the top - you won't be disappointed. Its much "cuter" and less funny than I expected. There are absolutely some laugh out loud moments; which is all I guess you can really expect.

Last: Firewall

Holy Crap - what an awful movie. I put this on my Netflix queue simply because it was in HD. Lucky Me. I got to see high definition crap, which is surprisingly similar to regular crap - you're just more sure its crap. The only way to save this movie is to watch the first hour - then shut it off. Imagine your own ending - I promise you'll do a better job.

I mean, near the end you have Harrison Ford fighting a couple of bad guys in a fairly unbelievable fashion. Even if you suspend disbelief that the same guy that on the fly wrote a command line entry to stave off a hacker attempt is now also able to go toe to toe with a guy 1/2 his age, it is very hard to believe that his family which he came to rescue runs away to "safety" because since their hands are tied behind their backs they can't help him. I guess none of them played kick ball.

On top of that, after Harrison wins (really, did I ruin it for you? good, now you don't have to see it), the family comes out of the woods with their hands untied and all happy like. If I was Harrison I'd be like - what the hell guys?! First you run away because your hands are tied up, then you managed to untie them on your own and you don't come back. Screw you all - you can stay here.

Best part is the movie is wrapping up and as they go back to the car the family dog (yes, he was part of this whole mess too), barks a couple times. Now this normally wouldn't be an issue - except they used the wrong "canned" bark - it wasn't the same dog bark they used in the rest of the movie. Also the dog, which is on camera, is clearly not barking at all. Brilliant.

Someone needs to be fired....

Olbermann vs. Bill O'Reilly

Honestly, Fox "News" should just go away.



..and yes, I know this is the second Olbermann clip of the week - He's on a roll though. ;-) That, and the place I get my "real" news (Daily Show / Colbert Report) are on a week vacation.

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Party, Party, Party

So its been a little while since we've had a big get together - specifically a "Alex & Bryce Birthday Party"

But now, its offical. July 13th (Friday) and July 14th (Saturday) - yes, two days - are party day(s) at my house. Anyone (yes, even you Mom) - anytime, for however long you can manage. We're planning a bunch of games (both board and video), including a couple brand new ones I've never seen or heard of before.

Bring whatever you'd like, or nothing at all. I'll have pizzas, drinks, chips, and a dog to bite your ankles... all free of charge.

If you need directions, just send me an email (apisatrox@gmail.com).

So, come join in the Multi-birthday, housewarming, video game, weird board game party extravaganza™


*Clarification (due to some emails): Alex and I are hanging out together for our birthdays. This is 100% informal. If you show up and you're bored, you should have brought someone or something. =)

Forza 2 - Video 2

Second video in probably a long running series. =)

This one is just a demo of me having a load of fun with the wheel (took me a while to figure out how to put two videos in one - I'm a lot better with photography than cinematography). I'm driving a 1965 Shelby around a track called Maple Valley. Not much of a surprise, a 1965 Shelby does not handle very well. I'm having to give it a lot help through the corners (both wheel and throttle).

Just also have to give another quick "thank you Dad" for the wheel stand. As you can see in the video, even with all the force I'm putting into the wheel, the stand never even budges.


**The two videos are the same. The bottom one is a YouTube alternative; which I think looks better**